Daily (w)rite

Writing on this blog sometimes becomes a difficult exercise: because this is a public blog.

A lot of people who know me in real life know about this blog. And some of them definitely read it.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I long to have an anonymous place to rave, rant, let my hair down, whatever.

Time to find some of my fictional characters and let them go on the rampage instead of me…living vicariously is easy when you are a writer

While writing on my blog, the last thing on my mind is the number of visitors I have.

This blog started more or less as a writing discipline, something to do and do well every day, and I guess it has often deviated from that. I am determined, more than ever, not to use it as a personal rant blog, nor for the more profession-related stuff.

Though I am not exactly bothered about the number of visitors I receive, I long for comments. I like to hear what other people have to say, sometimes I hate the idea of a post being found on a search, glanced at, and discarded. I love it when I find the same people on my blog time and again, it gives me a sense of community which is so reassuring. It is also a motivator when someone appreciates what I am doing on my blog, reminds me I got to move ass and write everyday, because it is so shameful when a visitor returns to find a stale post.

If I was given a wish for my blog, it would be this: Let there be ten visitors to my blog a day, and ten comments, rather than a hundred visitors a day and two comments.

Amen.

I am feeling helpless and isolated. Writing is a thing of the past.

Reason?

I do not have broadband!

I have to sneak in time between potting plants and putting on cushion covers to rush down to the Coffee Bean across the road to do whatever little freelance writing work I can still do.

I have been approving comments and not replying to the ones so generously left on my blog, I apologize to each and every one of you who has commented in the past week or two.

Thanks for visiting, caring, and leaving those comments. Those really cheer me up!

I have been running from pillar to post doing all kinds of things these past two weeks, and the lack of broadband means that there is no late-night browsing or blogging. I did not know I will miss it so, but I do. And I miss each and every one of you

Here is to getting back on broadband by next week!

Oh, there she is! Must go up to her! Is that milk I smell? She does look like she has something in her hand…yes, yes, slurp, it is milk! Come closer, come closer! Oh I am so hungry and this thing at my neck pulls so! I know I stink, girl, but just come closer so I can have a go at that bowl. Come nearer, nearer! Ok, now!

It is silly how useless these legs are, I can drag along so fine with these on the front, but how about having a pair to shove me up at the back too, like my brothers and sisters? Never mind, never mind, I will get to it in time, can I have some of that milk, please, now??

Ok…sigh..that was good! Now why does she look so down? Say something! I like it when you say things, I don’t understand them one bit, but I like the sound. Reminds me of my mum. I like how you touch my head too, I know you avoid the back because I have been sitting around in my own shit, but you see I can’t pull up my behind at all! I try, I try, see how I try! Oh look! I managed a bit! Oh no! I fell down again! Don’t look so low, I will manage, I will!

So you are going to do that washing thing? Why so early today? Usually you do it when I get my food next. I like that food: all that yellow and white fluffy stuff, very smelly, but nice! Ok, now, I hate this cold, why do you have to put me in water? There is not even enough sun yet! I like the way you pick me up tho, by the scruff of my neck, like mum used to.

Not like that monster boy who picked me up, making that awful sound looking really happy, just before he dropped me. I used to be able to move all my four legs before then. But when I fell, I was hurt, oh so hurt. I cried, I yelped, because it hurt. I was scared already because he had taken me away from my mum and my siblings, but now it hurt!

There, you got me all clean, I like the smell of that stuff you put on me. Your hand smells nice too, I like telling you how nice you are by licking your hand, because I don’t know how else to say it. It is like when you pat my head, and say Feenix, Feenix! That’s me right? I know when you say Feenix, you are calling me! You are saying something about me right now!

I have to call you something too, but I know you don’t understand anything when I talk to you, you just stroke me softer. So I lick your hand. You make a funny, happy sound then! But why aren’t you making that sound today? And why is your face all wet? Pick me up, pick me up, so I can lick you clean! I don’t stink right now, so you can pick me up!

Now that I am full, lets play! I cant move much I know, but you can bring your hand near and I can try biting at it, like I always do! Such fun! And such a nice day it is too! I’d like to go a bit further, but this thing at my neck you tie me with! Ah, can’t you just loosen it a little bit? Let’s go, come on, please!

Hey you are picking me up, what fun! There, there, I know you don’t look too good today. That’s alright. I will lick you better. Hey your face doesn’t taste alright, all salty, what is this wet thing all over it? It looks like water, but ugh, it tastes bad! Never mind, I will dry it up for you, there girl! How about some more milk then, eh? I can do with some more! I like it when there is nothing on my neck, so wonderful, so free!

So you are putting me into the basket? We are going to meet that man eh? I don’t like it when he pokes me though, he tries to make me stand, and I hate it when you look so low when I fall. I want to stand, I do! I will too, you’ll see!

Ok we are there. I don’t like that table. I feel scared, don’t put me down, don’t!

Ok, nasty man go away. Give me back to her!

Wait, girl, why are you going away? Don’t leave me and go, please, please, please! I am calling to you, are you deaf? You always come when I cry, don’t leave me with the nasty man!

Oh, he hurt me, he put that sharp thing in me! The nasty man hurt me! Come back!

I feel sleepy now, I feel so sleepy…come back, come back!

Malaysian Road Trip: KL-Kuala Selangor- Pangkor- Ipoh-KL

Life has not been very good lately, but I have learned that it is better to snatch opportunities to live, rather than just survive from day to day.

Of course, my idea of living tends to be intimately connected with good food and travel, so last weekend I did a bit of both. A sort of compromise: lots of good food (and I mean LOTS), and a day trip on the road.

A road trip in Malaysia (Click for the slideshow of trip pictures and scroll on the pics for titles)

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I have put Google Analytics on my writing blog, just to figure out what kind of keywords get the most visitors and the visitor count, because that one is on Blogger, and does not have the kind of extras that WordPress does.

And I discovered that Google Analytics also tells me things like how many visits I have had from which city!

I have visitors from Melbourne and Stockholm, from Milan and Paris, and these I am excited about, but they are somehow the expected.

What I am really intrigued to know is that someone from Ellicot city or West Rutland in the U.S., or Kirkintilloch in the U.K. has visited me. I have a visitor from Novi Beograd in Serbia and Montenegro, I have visitors from Bandar Seri Begawan in Brunei, and I am thinking, wow, what completely fascinating names! I don’t even know whether most of these are towns or cities, what they look like, and so on, and yet, here are these people who have stopped by.

I have always known that the internet has a degree of omnipresence, and that complete strangers from across the world visit my blogs, but somehow seeing the names of those cities and towns, the date when the visits came and so on makes it so very real!

As you can see from the links, I have looked up a few of the places on the internet. I now have a new pastime (when I am taking a break between the gazillion things I have to do): every time I get a visitor from a place I have never heard of before, I will look it up, and take it from there.

For example, Wikipedia tells me: Anthony Burgess’s Brunei novel Devil of a State is set in Bandar Seri Begawan. The construction of the Sultan Omar Ali Saifuddin Mosque is a major theme in the book. Maybe I will look up the book, next time I head to the Borders bookstore!

This blog was supposed to be a daily rite.

But as the saying goes, “Man proposes, God disposes”.

So here I am, writing intermittently from a different country, a different laptop and a completely altered mindset.

I am watching my father-in-law fight for his life, he is now basically being kept alive by machines. Each morning when I wake up at 6 am to visit him, a cold, cold hand grips my heart. I pray very hard, to take him into Light from Darkness, and I hope that that one at least is not a lost battle.

I will be here once in a while, because this blog is all about writing on purpose. On writing with a purpose. Sometimes, it is sometimes simply about writing.  And since writing is not isolated from life, it is also a bit about life itself. I think the altered mindset is taking over, and so here I stop my ramblings.