Considering that I haven’t written on this blog for a while, more than a month to be exact, I should be full of things to write about. Instead, I find myself curiously reluctant, somewhat full, but content to be full, not willing to share. I’m not sure if that is a good thing. So I will press on, and see what comes out.
The last month has had its ups and downs, and I’m happy to report that my pen has not been idle. I have also done a whole load of Italian, spent lots of time with a good friend, cooked, baked, and wondered a little about whether I should go ahead and make some money.
But the most beautiful thing that happened with the slowing down of my pace of life was that I began to live more consciously: I thought of the wrinkles to come as the years pass on, and enjoyed the sight of my taut skin. I walked and ran and climbed, and told myself to use this body as an instrument, to use it, to take care of it, but to always remember that it is the medium, and that the message is for me to decide.
I have to use my body to do something meaningful, use my present youth and awareness to an end that would make some sense after I’m gone. So that I could say, that on this earth I not only took, but gave of myself, in however small a way…which is why I was here in the first place.
I understood that you must catch pleasure wherever you find it, and that you should treat it with an awareness not only of its fragility, but also of its worth. Not to be too taken by pleasure, and too revolted by pain. Both are parts of a duality, after all.
This could be a random morning rambling, or it could be the beginning of wisdom, I’m not sure which.
All I know is what I have always known: that the only truth is the calm blue ocean of peace inside me, untouched by externalities. I must keep going back to it, and in the meanwhile, use the time I have (4 years or 40, I do not know..can anyone?) to create positivity and celebrate it in all its forms.
If you have read till the end, thank you for bearing with my navel gazing. I promise to be more topical and entertaining starting tomorrow.
I just want to say something to two of my friends before I sign off:
To Ely: Thankyou for everything, for the food you cooked and the time you spent with me. I feel much better.
To Sarah: Though I cannot be with you in the flesh, know that my thoughts are with you in this difficult time. I pray for courage and strength for you.